Connecting after adoption can be hard. Children who come from a trauma background are dropped off on our doorsteps with more than a change of clothes and their favorite toy (although, most foster kids are lucky to still have those things with them!). They also come with the baggage given to them by their abusive situations that happened sometimes from the time they were conceived. They are scared, alone, and have no idea that you are willing and able to love and care for them.
These kids often "make" it hard to love them. They attack us physically and emotionally and we can end up feeling frustrated, depressed and drained of energy. If you are like me, you know intuitively that your adopted kids don't WANT to act this way. It's the survival instinct making them act this way but how do we help them get past that?
That is where we can help! We lived in your shoes and know now how to help these hurt kids heal. We helped our kids heal and we want to show you how to do it too--only we want you to skip to the head of the line and get it done much more efficiently! So here is what we can teach you...
The bottom line is, you are not alone. You are not wrong for feeling scared and disconnected the way you do. Connecting after adoption can be hard and we are here to help.
Many adopted children and those who have experienced trauma CAN recover and go on to live normal lives. It isn't hopeless. We helped our kids get better and you can too.
In our adoption interview back in 2006, we were told our children would likely be institutionalized by the age of 13. They had letters behind their names like ODD and PTSD and unofficially were considered "attachment challenged" (their therapist confided that to us after the adoption, though she didn't put it in their file).
What we learned just a few months into our adoption was that their brains could recover from the trauma they had experienced.
We got right to work, changing our parenting paradigm and using new techniques that frankly, seemed a little crazy at the time.
But you know what? They worked! Now our kids are in their 20's and are doing well. And we are ready to help YOU succeed like we did.
When our son was having 2 hour long night terrors that kept us up half the night trying to keep him from tumbling down the stairs, he was on a drug they typically give veterans for sleep after they come home from war.
It was obviously not working. We wanted him off that drug but we also wanted him to actually sleep!
We discovered a homeopathic combination medicine (no side effects) that allowed him to sleep more soundly than he ever had! That, combined with supplementation was how we got him and his sister off psychotropic drugs.
Years later I re-discovered homeopathy and it's full potential and am now a homeopathic practitioner. I wish I had known then what I know now!
Now, I introduce homeopathy as an option to help calm YOUR emotions as the parent and possibly your child's as well, giving you the mental space to focus on relationship and giving your child the emotional capacity to focus on healing.
In 2006, I discovered two kids that were super cute but according to the system, destined to fail. In the interview to adopt them, we were warned that they would likely be institutionalized by the time they were thirteen. This is how we met them and why we said yes. Read More
To empower parents whose children have experienced trauma through foster care or adoption to overcome the obstacles to attachment that so often leave families broken. We do this using a combination of proven parenting approaches that encourage connection-- and homeopathy. This combination allows parents to overcome chronic illness and trauma related behaviors in the family and feel better physically while experiencing healing in their family relationships.
When I heard the argument heating up in the upstairs I raced through the house to cut off the blooming aggression at the pass. By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs it was too late. Dakota was already in the act of pushing Ezra down the stairs and there was nothing I could do. What happened next made me cry.
Did you know a baby starts responding to its environment as early as 5 months gestation? That means babies can hear their mothers, fathers and siblings and many other things going on around them, nearly 4 months before they ever see the light of day.
Gabe was a good kid from the beginning. Even at his worst moments you could see in his eyes that he was trying. But the problem was, that in the moment of anger, frustration and fear, he simply couldn’t REMEMBER the right choice. Chances are, if you have a child like Gabe, one who is threatening you, hoarding or stealing food in the night or is being aggressive towards his siblings—his brain is so over-stimulated in those moments that he literally has lost the ability to think.
Yes, they may eat all the food in there. Yes, they may be up in the middle of the night munching through your last box of cereal. But please. Don't lock up the fridge!
Tantrums are a big aspect of adopting children who have attachment issues and/or a trauma background. This story of how I avoided a huge tantrum I saw building in Dakota one day at Walmart might help you to avoid the next tantrum in your house!
Depression and anxiety are already a risk for teens, but especially those with a trauma background. Defiance is often the way these feelings come out, damaging relationships and setting teens up for poor grades, getting in trouble with the law, and more. Parents often feel helpless during this time. But there are ways you can greatly reduce mood swings and hormone-caused depression through homeopathy.
It was just a couple weeks before the beginning of a new year—2009. We had bought a small farm just days before and had already painted the rooms and decorated it for Christmas. The next day was my husband’s birthday but it was also important for another reason—I was getting my first farm delivery. Goats. Indiana isn't warm in December and the night was cold and getting colder when Ezra and I began what would end up being more of an adventure than I had bargained for
The holiday season can be a mixed bag of intense and happy excitement and the dread of tantrums, judgmental relatives and unending schedule changes that leave your kids in a constant state of stress. So what can adoptive parents do to make this holiday season run more smoothly?
When we adopt children who have a trauma history we have high hopes. We think that it may only be a few months before they acclimate to the family and start to be more calm. We hope that love and Jesus and therapists and even our own will for them to be better may just do the trick. But, as time progresses and behaviors become more aggressive, not less, or, as their stages of life progress and hormones do a number on them, we start to feel afraid.
If you are an adoptive parent you may have experienced the unpleasant and disappointing moment when you realize your family vacation has turned into a nightmare. Your adopted kids are having more tantrums, peeing the bed again in the hotel (they haven't done that at home in ages!) and are generally unhappy and full of complaints. If you resonate with this description of your last travel attempt, this video post gives you three tips that can make your next trip go much more smoothly.
If you have fostered children or adopted a child--even privately, you may have had to take them to a LOT of therapy sessions. I have to admit though, the therapy sessions we took our kids to didn't seem to do much good--for them. For me--well that was another story! So what about therapy? I'd like to share our experiences and offer a bit of an alternative view when it comes to children and talk therapy.
Adopted children always come from trauma--even if the only trauma they experienced was being separated from their birth mother. This causes even children who were adopted at birth to often have special needs emotionally that other children don't have. But there are some thing you can do to prepare for homeschooling that may help things go more smoothly.
GETTING STARTED IN HOMEOPATHY AND HELPING YOUR FAMILY WITH ACUTE ISSUES ISN'T DIFFICULT. BUT HOMEOPATHY CAN BE A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND. I FIND A BIT OF A HISTORY LESSON CAN BE HELPFUL BEFORE DIVING IN. SO HERE IS A HISTORY LESSON ABOUT HOMEOPATHY AND A LITTLE OF OUR STORY.
We often think the work to be done is in discipline, boundaries, schedules or rigid expectations when it comes to helping a newly adopted child move forward. And while there is value in schedules and knowing what to expect, the one thing that changes the game when it comes to healing in a child who has been hurt, is having a parent who is aware of their own emotions and knows how to get and stay regulated themselves--even when all the buttons are being pushed.
Parenting without punishment is challenging to say the least. But there are ways to do it and still have boundaries. Interestingly enough, when we learned how to help our kids with re-dos we started seeing real differences in their behavior. AND, they began to be more relaxed and happy. Let me show you how re-dos work...
I discovered two kids that were super cute but according to the system, destined to fail. In the interview to adopt them, we were warned that they would likely be institutionalized by the time they were 13. This is how we met them and why we said yes.